C****tmas Is Coming

Growing up in the Bryan family, we had a rule: Thou shalt not speak of Christmas until after Bonfire Night.

Which was the fifth of November, so that’s definitely passed. We’ve seen some fireworks, and now we can mention the imminent Big Festive Day. It’s often bitched about that people, especially those who work in advertising, are mentioning Christmas far too early these days. Sadly, I can remember sightings of festively themed advertisement a month ago.

But it’s okay now, because we’re allowed to talk about it. It would remain premature to stick the gigantic plastic Santa to the front of your house, adorn it with sparkling lights and commence re-enacting the nativity, but there are festive thoughts worth having at this early stage…

The Clear Present Danger

Do you have friends whose presents require surplus consideration? It’s probably as good a time as any to start making lists, lest you end up doing your Christmas shopping at the local supermarket, on Christmas Eve. You know, when you end up getting your close family whatever DVDs are on sale cheap. (I did this one year. Don’t be me.)

Even worse, were some of your nearest and dearest selfishly birthed in December? I’m sorry to report that such people, in my experience, often take it a little personally if you merge their Christmas and birthday presents into one. Even if you’re buying them something huge, like a car or a bear, I thoroughly recommend chucking them something on both days.

I don’t just say this in a patronising advisory way, either, as both my father and girlfriend have birthdays in December. This is the voice of real experience talking.

Perks Of Note

The realisation of oncoming Christmas includes ample reasons to suffer from a panic attack, but there are also excuses to be cheerful. For example, products will materialise in the shops that were not available beforehand. I’m partial to the Starbucks gingerbread latte, myself.

There’s also the mince pie, if you are British. I refer to the sweet kind, described here for reference purposes. Not to mention turkey, I never get turkey outside of Christmas. (Because we don’t celebrate Thanksgiving.) Fittingly, they were advertising turkey baguettes at the Bonfire Night event I attended, but on closer inspection had sold out. Humbug.

Alternatively, you may have a particular addiction to the purchase of flashing lights or eggnog. Whatever your poison, you may as well indulge while you can, as compensation for all the hideous present-buying and pressure to appease your family.

The Horrible Ticking Of Advent

One last early Christmas category: The time sensitive item, or Stuff Other People Want, to put it more bluntly. It is a fact universally acknowledged that a family on Christmas Day must be in want of a Christmas tree.

And if they don’t have one on the special day, then the adults of the house might have to head out with an axe and do some lumberjacking, and they might not be properly trained in the use of a chainsaw. There are only a certain amount of fir trees that can be hacked down for our living rooms, so don’t miss out. Think of the children.

And the same, sadly, could end up being said of everything from turkeys to toys, so buy early and minimise the whining later. A certain amount of common sense still needs to be exercised, as buying your turkey now could lead to a very different set of tears being shed on Christmas Day, along with some vomit.